First and foremost there has to be a million other more interesting things to talk about besides someone’s love life especially if they don’t have one. This isn’t about people who try to get to know you (strangers making small talk). I’m directing this to co-workers, close friends and family. For example, when someone from one of these groups bring up my love life I’m just like why didn’t you ask me about my dog, my job, uh I don’t know that meme I posted on Facebook that got 20 likes- really anything besides my love life. Oh, I know why. You’re setting me up for you to A) offer a sympathy statement or B) brag about how awesome yours is.
1) “You’re so pretty I don’t why you’re still single” I feel like when someone says this they feel sorry for me? There’s no need for that- I’m having fun with all this free time. Plus, being pretty doesn’t automatically make me dateable and the perfect girlfriend- it’s just a perk.
2)” What’s it like being single? I haven’t been single in X amount of months/years.” Was that really necessary? I’m 90% sure these people just want to brag because the longer you’re in a relationship the more impressive it’s suppose to be. Being single is having ZERO obligations to compromise and share your life with someone else. Being single is good for the soul as it allows you focus on your personal growth and experiences. When the weekend rolls around I get to focus on what I want to do and spending time with my friends. There will come a day when I’m not single I’ll be 100% up for sharing and compromising but for now it’s nice to have “me” time. Let’s not forget I get a big bed to myself (well, actually I’m one of those weirdos who lets their dog sleep in the bed- still plenty of room) and I can dress as comfy as I want and be silly in public joking around without having to worry about impressing or embarrassing someone else.
3) “Do you think you’ll ever get married?” Slow down speed racer I’m 25 sure I will. Within the next year- let’s hope not because that probably means I got knocked up and went into panic mode and completely tossed all common sense and logic aside for the sake of security or having a “real family”.
4)” What kind of wedding will you have?” I have no idea. I mean, sure I have cool ideas or day dreams if the day comes, but those thoughts are personal to me. I’m not the kind of girl to plan everything out without considering what my future husband might want. I’m certainly not wasting my time by starting a “One Day” Pinterest board with wedding ideas. Some women can do these things but not me. I’m flighty and my style and taste are constantly changing. Once upon a time I wanted a Hello Kitty wedding, ya know?
5) “Hey my brother has this friend that does X for a living that I think you’d really like!” I have this theory that you shouldn’t assume single people are lonely and looking. If they’re lonely and looking and need your help meeting someone they will come to you. It’s probably better if you let this happen because meaningful relationships are complicated. This isn’t high school anymore so chances are being attractive, nice and driving a nice car just don’t seal the deal anymore in a good mate (and if they do you’re doing it wrong!)
6. “Are you gay?” That’s such a rude, grandma thing to ask. I just don’t even know how to cleverly snap back to that one.
7. “When will you date again?” When I meet someone I really like and we become best friends and then we think “Hmm. Let’s be together” I’m just as clueless about when I’ll date again as when I’ll die. I’m focused on the present and making the most of it.
Sure you can ask if someone is seeing someone and when they say no just drop it and talk about something else. Don’t feel sorry for them, don’t pry and don’t offer up advice if they don’t ask for it.